To Have A Narrow Escape Draft 1
On yesterday afternoon, there were some little boys playing in the park. A boy whose name was Tom, he climbed up a tree for fun. Everything was fine. Suddenly, Tom fell from the tree, and he fell into the jar which was filled with water. Tom was too short to escape from the jar. My god! He was almost drowned! Other children were frighten, they yell "Help! Help! somebody help us!". Fortunately, there were two boys heard their call. They shift a big stone, and threw it to break the jar. As they threw, the jar was broken, and the water was flowed out of the jar at the same time. Finally, Tom was saved by the two valiant boys. This story tell us : we should notice that whether the place we play is secure or not.

7 Comments:
"On yesterday afternoon," "On" should be deleted.
"somebody help us!"
"somebody" should write "Somebody".
"They shift a big stone"
"shift" should write "shifted".
"This story tell us "
"tell" should add a "s" behind it.
You're "To have a narrow escape" is great.Perfect!
I can only say that Tom is so lucky!
They used their resource to save the boy before making a big mistake.
But we still have to be careful whenever we are playing
So we should be carefull when we play.
When we went out to play, we should be careful.
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